2nd Moon Coffee Cafe

I’m sitting in downtown Minneapolis at the coolest little coffee shop. There’s funky art on the walls, old overused couches in the corner and a random string of over-sized Christmas lights strung from one end of the shop to the other. It’s a breath of fresh air from the fast paced, overly stereotypical Starbucks I have become accustom too. This is personally… and I LOVE IT!

Today has been a day of RECALL (believe it or not I’m “working” right now). I am soaking in every bit of today. I got told to leave my schedule at home and go rediscover me. What is my heart saying? What are those voices that need to be drowned out? What is God trying to say to me that I’ve been too busy to listen too?

I’ve been wanting to hide recently. I’ve been wanting to disappear and make all the things I can’t control go away. If only I could vanish into thin air and come back another day…maybe. I’ve been trying so hard to control certain areas of my life and quite frankly, it’s tiring me out. A few days ago one of my friends called and told me I need to stop telling God what to do. Easier said than done. I’m slowly peeling back my fingers from the death-grip I’ve managed to wrap around my life. I know it’s going to hurt when I finally let go and I’m not sure if I’m ready to face that hurt yet. Finger by finger I will let go. I am letting go. All in all , I know I have desires in my heart this world cannot satisfy. I can’t run away. I can’t disappear. But I can continue to put my trust in one who is GREATER than the emotional roller coaster I put myself on. If I continue to look UP my vision will come into focus and my death grip will be loosed. I will raise my hands and surrender to King of Kings.

Reminiscing

The last couples weeks I've been going through an assortment of picutres I"ve taken over the years. I busted out some photos from Alaska, New Zealand, the road trip out to Iowa. Its been fun recalling all the stories that come with these small snapshots in my life:) It has made me hungry for another good adventure. I feel like I'm on the brink of going crazy if a good adventures doesn't come out the wood work sometime soon! I've found myself pulling... maybe yanking would be a better word... on the reigns these last couple weeks from throwing all responsibility and (little) finances aside to appease my restless moments of desperation for ADVENTURE.
Maybe the restlessness has something to do with my one year anniversary of being in Iowa coming up... strange to think I it's almost a year. I don't feel like it's been that long. I still feel like a newbie--maybe part of that has to do with my inability to sense direction out here. It was bad to start with but I feel like it's slightly worse not having reference points like mountains, hills, and mass bodies of water to guide me. I have the exciting experiences of getting lost in cornfields and wondering how long its going to take before some fed-up farmer comes out of his house with a shotgun locked and loaded ready to chase me off his property!
In the meantime, I will continue to be the responsible one. I will pour everything I have into what I have around me and not miss the moments I am in. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence right? I going to choose to look at my own green grass and stop to smell the flowers along the way!

Part 2: The Awakening

I have to confess, the first time I heard about IHOP I was intrigued but it scared me. I was at a place in my life where I did not want to attempt the "unknown" in prayer. I wasn't even sure if I "truly believed" in prayer...I know Christians are supposed to...but I questioned whether it really worked or not.
I was thinking about Chronicles of Narnia and came to this analogy. Imagine if Lucy had found the wardrobe, knew there was another world on the other side but never mustered the courage to walk through and experience it. I know I can become so accustomed to the world around me that I miss super natural opportunities placed right before my eyes.
Maybe we get the idea in our heads that a land like Narnia is only for the "young and adventurous" or it's only good for the "people that found it." Maybe like me, people are too scared to open up the wardrobe because they're flat out scared of walking into the unknown.
I think Mr. Lewis was on to something big here that we tend to skip over all too often. Lucy took the plunge and look what happened as a result of it! Going down to IHOP was like entering a whole different world to me. I saw the Holy Spirit work and move. I saw people physically and emotionally healed. I watched people be delivered from life long habits of oppression, drugs, fear and self-hatred (to name a few!!).
I am continually learning the POWER of prayer. There was a point in my life where I couldn't say those words. I began to say it but wasn't too sure I believed it. Now I am believing it--and I have learned that prayer is not boring!! I'm not locking myself in a dark old wardrobe to perform my "christian duty and pray". I've found the secret door leading at the back of the wardrobe that's introduced me to fun and exciting prayer.

Part 1: The City Of Fountains

I was introduced to Kansas City this past summer on a work trip. The first night I was there it stole a piece of my heart . I absolutally LOVE fountains; the bigger the better. And KC has fountains galore!!! Since my introduction I've had the opportunity to go back several times. Most recently I have been captivated by the what's been going on at the KC IHOP (International House of Prayer).

I initially heard the name IHOP (the IHOP without pancakes that is:) when I was living in New Zealand about 3 years ago. My interests were peaked but I never managed to find the time to come and experience it when I arrived back to North America. Moving out to Iowa last April opened the door and I've been to their prayer room numerous times now.

These experieces have touched me deeply, they have encouraged me and made me hungry for more of what heaven brings to earth. I long for more. I long for more truth, love and intimacy admist all the hurt and pain that surrounds me both near and far. The battles of this world seek to pull us down but I am choosing to look beyond to GREATER things which are coming.

Summary

It’s been a while since I wrote… I’ll do a few different entries to fill you in on the latest happenings of my life. As of midnight last night I returned home from a 12 day adventure away. It was refreshing, energizing and full of many laughs and memorable moments.
I flew out to California to spend Christmas with friends and family. I welcomed the warm(er) weather with open arms and missed the worse snow storm in Iowa since 1968 while enjoying my days on the pacific coast (yes, I am still smiling about that:). From California I flew to Kansas City and attended the onething Conference put on by the International House of Prayer (IHOP). My life was touched and changed by what I heard, saw and experience. It has only increased my hunger and desire for more. I can’t wait to go back for more.
I returned home to find my car and my house buried in snow. I live on the bottom level of an apartment complex and I felt like I was walking into an igloo when I walked in my room. All I could see looking out my window was snow! It was literally piled up over half way on my windows… I had to stand on a chair if I wanted to see outside! I think I might be completely buried by the time spring comes around!!!! Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and I will tell you more stories next year:D

He Is Jealous For Me

Back in college I remember asking God a simple question: Teach how to love you.
As i was driving home from Sioux City Friday night, my engine light kicked on. Trying not to freak out I called up the male forces and was confirmed that yes I would be okay and no by car would not blow up on the freeway. After I got off the phone, tears began to well-up and I didn't know why I was crying! I wasn't scared or upset!!
I started pulling back the layers and discovered these tears were coming from a place deep inside. I discovered a door I didn't know existed inside me. The tip of my iceberg was feeling alone and vulnerable in the middle of nowhere with my car acting up. I dug deeper. I realized the iceberg itself and the tears stemmed out of desperation. I have not been feeling God's love and I am desparate for it. I felt like I was conning myself in feeling His love; convincing myself I felt--but actually didn't.
I had an overwhelming sense of feeling lost and incomplete. I realized I have been trying so hard to love myself and Jesus and as a result I have not been allowing Jesus' love to fill me. I was humbled at my meager ability of trying to out love Jesus. I fail so often yet Jesus continues to meet me in the middle of the messes I get myself in to and gently whispers "beloved you are mine". Lord, teach ME to LET YOU love me!

Sometimes...

I would venture to say I am a pretty independent woman. At the age of 18--less than two weeks after I graduated high school--I packed up my belongings and headed south. Going from small-town-canadian-girl to the bright city lights of america...it was a bit of culture shock to say the least! Eight years later I'm sitting here reflecting; I realize I've actually accomplished things I set out to do and travelled to places I only dreamt of going. I've become the "independent" woman I dreamed to be. I've come a long way from that first venture I set out on. Deep down, past the places I've gone, the choices I've made and where I am now...sometimes I still feel like a vulnerable little girl. I want to feel safe among all the crap that goes on around me. In case I fall down, I want to know that somebody will be there to pick me up. Sometimes a girl just needs a dad to hold her and say "baby girl everything will be alright." Sometimes I'm too proud to admit it. Past my moments of pride and "independence" I know I need and want somebody strong beside me. Thanks for being there dad. And thanks to all the dads who have been around when my own dad was too far away to be there for me.