L.O.V.E

'Tis the season.  Love is in the air, romance is being commercialized and Valentine's is only days away.  In honor of this season, my digital verse of the day has been covering 1 Corinthians 13 all week. Today it was verses 4-5.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

I as read and re-read this passage, I was both convicted and humbled. When I read those few sentences, holes were BLASTED in the tainted picture of love I've created in my head. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but I'm pretty sure I FAIL to love well.    

I am not very patient. 
I can be downright mean. 
I get jealous.
I am stuck-up and think I am better than others. 
Rude - yep, you got. 
I am demanding and selfish. 
I get irritated way easier than I should. 
And I harbor feelings when I have been wronged.

I am such a sensitive person; probably more sensitive than most people realized. These truths shot straight to my heart. I started to feel awful.  My mind began to snowball.  I began telling myself I suck at loving those around me.  I began to ask, who am I to be loved in return?  My poor husband, why does he put up with such an unloving wife?!  The conviction was spreading thick over my heart and consuming my soul. 

As my mind started to spiral, God's grace caught me.  The spirit whispered "don't believe the lies".  I admit, I might be the opposite of what LOVE really looks like ... but I know the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and THAT is where my love comes from.  When I try to love on my own, my patience runs thin and my kindness runs out.  I fall flat on my face.  The ugliness of my human nature shows it's wretched faced.  BUT God's grace IS enough. 

In those moments of emptiness, if only I can look upward - my cup overflows.  Not because of anything I can muster-up or do, but because I call out to a faithful God who knows what TRUE LOVE is. A father who will shoot the devils lies back where they belong.  A savior who loves me unconditionally and call me his beloved child.  It is from that place of pure humility that I can love, and love well.