Last week I had the privilege of meeting up with a family from Smithers (my home town in Canada) all the way over here in Iowa. They were dropping their daughters off at the college just down the street from my house. We sat around and chatted for an evening, bringing back memories that almost seem surreal now. As I was leaving a "heaviness" was hanging on my heart. It was the feeling of "being known"... being around people who saw me grow up, who knew my past--something I tried to run away from for a long time. Suddenly I found myself wanting to cling to that once familiar feeling. I've been around the "unfamiliarity" of new territory since I moved out to Iowa that when the familiar hit I realized how deep my desire was to be known again. I felt like I was in an adolescent stage all over again... wanting to go back to what I had but wanting to move forward at the same time. I will encounter the familiar once again... it's just going to take time. Knowing that I can't go back; and knowing in my heart that going back wouldn't look the same even if I did. Life is pulling on my heartstrings and I'm choosing to take each tug one moment at a time. I think that's all I can do. If I can make it from adolecense to my 20's, I can make it moving from one town to another!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Adolecense
Last week I had the privilege of meeting up with a family from Smithers (my home town in Canada) all the way over here in Iowa. They were dropping their daughters off at the college just down the street from my house. We sat around and chatted for an evening, bringing back memories that almost seem surreal now. As I was leaving a "heaviness" was hanging on my heart. It was the feeling of "being known"... being around people who saw me grow up, who knew my past--something I tried to run away from for a long time. Suddenly I found myself wanting to cling to that once familiar feeling. I've been around the "unfamiliarity" of new territory since I moved out to Iowa that when the familiar hit I realized how deep my desire was to be known again. I felt like I was in an adolescent stage all over again... wanting to go back to what I had but wanting to move forward at the same time. I will encounter the familiar once again... it's just going to take time. Knowing that I can't go back; and knowing in my heart that going back wouldn't look the same even if I did. Life is pulling on my heartstrings and I'm choosing to take each tug one moment at a time. I think that's all I can do. If I can make it from adolecense to my 20's, I can make it moving from one town to another!
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1 comment:
you have just summed up my feelings exactly. And it took a lot for me to identify them. I still long for past friendships and that closeness with those who know me how I grew up, but you're right. it won't be the same, and it's healthy to move on and start new chapters. Thank you for this post. you've made my day.
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