Part 1: The City Of Fountains

I was introduced to Kansas City this past summer on a work trip. The first night I was there it stole a piece of my heart . I absolutally LOVE fountains; the bigger the better. And KC has fountains galore!!! Since my introduction I've had the opportunity to go back several times. Most recently I have been captivated by the what's been going on at the KC IHOP (International House of Prayer).

I initially heard the name IHOP (the IHOP without pancakes that is:) when I was living in New Zealand about 3 years ago. My interests were peaked but I never managed to find the time to come and experience it when I arrived back to North America. Moving out to Iowa last April opened the door and I've been to their prayer room numerous times now.

These experieces have touched me deeply, they have encouraged me and made me hungry for more of what heaven brings to earth. I long for more. I long for more truth, love and intimacy admist all the hurt and pain that surrounds me both near and far. The battles of this world seek to pull us down but I am choosing to look beyond to GREATER things which are coming.

Summary

It’s been a while since I wrote… I’ll do a few different entries to fill you in on the latest happenings of my life. As of midnight last night I returned home from a 12 day adventure away. It was refreshing, energizing and full of many laughs and memorable moments.
I flew out to California to spend Christmas with friends and family. I welcomed the warm(er) weather with open arms and missed the worse snow storm in Iowa since 1968 while enjoying my days on the pacific coast (yes, I am still smiling about that:). From California I flew to Kansas City and attended the onething Conference put on by the International House of Prayer (IHOP). My life was touched and changed by what I heard, saw and experience. It has only increased my hunger and desire for more. I can’t wait to go back for more.
I returned home to find my car and my house buried in snow. I live on the bottom level of an apartment complex and I felt like I was walking into an igloo when I walked in my room. All I could see looking out my window was snow! It was literally piled up over half way on my windows… I had to stand on a chair if I wanted to see outside! I think I might be completely buried by the time spring comes around!!!! Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and I will tell you more stories next year:D

He Is Jealous For Me

Back in college I remember asking God a simple question: Teach how to love you.
As i was driving home from Sioux City Friday night, my engine light kicked on. Trying not to freak out I called up the male forces and was confirmed that yes I would be okay and no by car would not blow up on the freeway. After I got off the phone, tears began to well-up and I didn't know why I was crying! I wasn't scared or upset!!
I started pulling back the layers and discovered these tears were coming from a place deep inside. I discovered a door I didn't know existed inside me. The tip of my iceberg was feeling alone and vulnerable in the middle of nowhere with my car acting up. I dug deeper. I realized the iceberg itself and the tears stemmed out of desperation. I have not been feeling God's love and I am desparate for it. I felt like I was conning myself in feeling His love; convincing myself I felt--but actually didn't.
I had an overwhelming sense of feeling lost and incomplete. I realized I have been trying so hard to love myself and Jesus and as a result I have not been allowing Jesus' love to fill me. I was humbled at my meager ability of trying to out love Jesus. I fail so often yet Jesus continues to meet me in the middle of the messes I get myself in to and gently whispers "beloved you are mine". Lord, teach ME to LET YOU love me!

Sometimes...

I would venture to say I am a pretty independent woman. At the age of 18--less than two weeks after I graduated high school--I packed up my belongings and headed south. Going from small-town-canadian-girl to the bright city lights of america...it was a bit of culture shock to say the least! Eight years later I'm sitting here reflecting; I realize I've actually accomplished things I set out to do and travelled to places I only dreamt of going. I've become the "independent" woman I dreamed to be. I've come a long way from that first venture I set out on. Deep down, past the places I've gone, the choices I've made and where I am now...sometimes I still feel like a vulnerable little girl. I want to feel safe among all the crap that goes on around me. In case I fall down, I want to know that somebody will be there to pick me up. Sometimes a girl just needs a dad to hold her and say "baby girl everything will be alright." Sometimes I'm too proud to admit it. Past my moments of pride and "independence" I know I need and want somebody strong beside me. Thanks for being there dad. And thanks to all the dads who have been around when my own dad was too far away to be there for me.

Hi-Ho-Hi-Ho It's Off To Work I Go

I have about a 20 minute drive to work every morning. This morning it was particularly foggy out. About 10 minutes into my drive the sun started to peek through the fog.

It slowly peeked a little more

And then it popped up over the fog all together. It was beautiful. I am amazed how nature continually takes my breath away.

Up And Coming

I could be all wrong, I could be all right
Either way there's shades of grey we both don't like
Maybe there is hope, maybe I'm naïve
Perhaps it's just the point of view that's hard to see
Yeah I've heard life's gone in a moment So I'm giving it my all

Everyone is tired of all their problems
And no one takes the time to understand
But just as much as I can hold the answers
I can have blame on my hands
Love is just the sum of each decision
Tomorrow is determined by today
I can choose to change the course of history
As I turn each page

Maybe we'll build love, love to cover hate
And maybe it won't cross our minds ‘til it's too late
Cover up our scars, hiding how we feel
Maybe there are wounds inside that need to heal
Yeah I've heard life's gone in a moment
So I'm giving it my all

Everyone is tired of all their problems
But no one takes the time to understand
That just as much as I can hold the answers
I still have blame on my hands
Life is the just sum of each decision
Tomorrow is determined by today
I can choose to change the course of history
As I turn each page

Everybody’s tired of all their problems
We need to take the time to understand
That just as much as we can hold the answers
Still we have blame on our hands
Life is the just sum of each decision
Tomorrow is determined by today
It’s possible to change the course of history
As we turn each page

Love Is Mine To Give

Lately I’ve found myself loving people but only the people I want to love. I WANT to love EVERYONE but find myself caught in a mindset thinking some people are more deserving of my love than others. I’m choosing to let the love in my life be a commodity. Somebody loves me so I love them back—a “deserving” exchange correct? Kinda… but not really. (Don’t you love answers like that).
Since when did we as a society let LOVE become something we could hoard? We take it so freely and disperse it sparingly! Are we scared it’s going to run out? As far I can tell there’s a never ending supply of love being LAVISHED down upon us. If we would only look to the cross (the ultimate display of love I might add) instead of at ourselves, our perspective on love might change for the better.
Jesus doesn’t say “love those who love you back”. On more than one occasion I’ve wished those words were written. Love is not mine to keep. Love was gruesomely nailed to a piece of wood so I could get past the sinner that I am. So I could receive the undeserving gift of grace and love given to all humankind. Who am I to hold onto something so tight, point my little finger and say “you weren’t nice to me today…you don’t deserve ‘my’ love” when I didn’t deserve love to begin with!

Love always hopes.
Love always trusts.
Love always protects.
Love always perseveres.
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices when the truth wins out.
Love keeps no record of wrong. (that’s a toughy isn’t it)
Love is not easily angered. (I find myself fighting this battle everyday)
Love is not self-seeking. (when I start to look at “me” and what “I” deserve that’s when I turn love in the commodity it was never meant to be)
Love is not rude.
Love is not proud.
Love does not boast.
Love does not get jealous.
Love IS kind.
Love IS patient.
Love NEVER fails.

I know I fail. But I continue to look to the cross for strength. It is there, it is when I am on my knees that my cup overflows and I find the strength to love those I tend to withhold love from.