It Is Well

The last 2 weeks have been kinda crazy in the Oordt house.  We have some big changes around the corner. I feel as though my emotions have been on a constant roller coaster. One moment the anticipation is building and it's really exciting and the next I'm diving through twist and turns not knowing what to expect and feeling completely out of control.

The only constant I've had lately, is constantly being on my knees in prayer.  Praying Colossians 3 over and over again. For kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; that I would be able to wear LOVE and let PEACE rule in my heart.

I had Pandora on at work this morning, and the song It Is Well came on.  I just soaked in the words and let them speak to my heart.  Here are some of the lyrics: 

Far be it from me to not believe

Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me

Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You

Through it all, through it all

It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him

The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul

My prayer today, is that no matter what you're going through - that you're able to let your soul go and TRUST Jesus.  He knows what you're going through and he knows what the future holds.  He KNOWS what it's like to be on the mountain top and He knows what it's like in the valley.  As you fight for everything that is good and true and noble and right - may your eyes look UP and your mind know it WELL with your soul.

(Here is the full song if you want to listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txg5nOIZYO8)

L.O.V.E

'Tis the season.  Love is in the air, romance is being commercialized and Valentine's is only days away.  In honor of this season, my digital verse of the day has been covering 1 Corinthians 13 all week. Today it was verses 4-5.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

I as read and re-read this passage, I was both convicted and humbled. When I read those few sentences, holes were BLASTED in the tainted picture of love I've created in my head. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but I'm pretty sure I FAIL to love well.    

I am not very patient. 
I can be downright mean. 
I get jealous.
I am stuck-up and think I am better than others. 
Rude - yep, you got. 
I am demanding and selfish. 
I get irritated way easier than I should. 
And I harbor feelings when I have been wronged.

I am such a sensitive person; probably more sensitive than most people realized. These truths shot straight to my heart. I started to feel awful.  My mind began to snowball.  I began telling myself I suck at loving those around me.  I began to ask, who am I to be loved in return?  My poor husband, why does he put up with such an unloving wife?!  The conviction was spreading thick over my heart and consuming my soul. 

As my mind started to spiral, God's grace caught me.  The spirit whispered "don't believe the lies".  I admit, I might be the opposite of what LOVE really looks like ... but I know the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and THAT is where my love comes from.  When I try to love on my own, my patience runs thin and my kindness runs out.  I fall flat on my face.  The ugliness of my human nature shows it's wretched faced.  BUT God's grace IS enough. 

In those moments of emptiness, if only I can look upward - my cup overflows.  Not because of anything I can muster-up or do, but because I call out to a faithful God who knows what TRUE LOVE is. A father who will shoot the devils lies back where they belong.  A savior who loves me unconditionally and call me his beloved child.  It is from that place of pure humility that I can love, and love well.

Jellyfish

I have this connection with Bridget Jones. For those of you who have never met Bridget, she is a thirty something single woman in London trying to make sense of her life.  She's plagued with awkwardness, struggles with her weight, her job and her many imperfections.
 

There's this one movie scene where Bridget is hanging out at a bar with some friends.  A lady she knows walks over and proceeds to have a "jellyfish" conversations with her. A "jellyfish" is a person who stings you repeatedly, all in the name of "just talking", "friendly concern" or even "non-actions". We've all had them – the person who wants to hurt you, but manages to wrap that giant "up yours" with a shiny bow and disguise it as meaning well.

I have one particular jellyfish in my life.  This morning proved to start out stinging.  Sometimes I think I'm just being over sensitive... and I know that's the case sometimes.  I also know it's not all the time.  Today, I wanted to crawl back in bed Jones style. Wallow in my wounds, bust open some ice cream and give up on every healthy eating habit I've tried to do this year. 

As much as I want to do that, I know I won't.  I know I will continue to press on.  To push past the stings and put my hope in something greater.  

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God! (Psalm 43:5)

Something Old

It seems like every winter I get inspired to start writing again.  I think part of it is, I have a lot more down time so I'm looking for something to do.  Summer kicks in and I put all my energy into the craziness that proceeds.  It's a schedule I've grown used to, but I tend drop the ball on numerous things (this blog included) as summer survival mode kicks in.

A few weeks ago, I was inspired to start writing again.  This desire spurred up around some rather unfortunate circumstances, yet my heart seems to pour into words that somehow release tensions in my soul. 

The last week in November, a large tumor was discovered in my Dad's kidney.  Surgery was scheduled for the beginning of January to remove it... kidney and all.  Knowing this was no small deal, I bought tickets to go home and yes, the tumor was malignant. The big "C" word was confirmed. Everything in me despises the word cancer.  It's ugly. It's hurtful. And it takes life in horrible, devastating ways.  In Dad's case, the surgeon was confident he got all the cancer out. PTL. 

As I walked this journey with my parents, I began to send out daily updates to immediate family and close family friends.  At first I started writing due to pure demand.  People were wanting to know how my dad was doing; I didn't have the best phone plan while in Canada, so I jumped on the free wifi bandwagon and email it was.  

After about a week of sending update emails, I began to realize this "demand" had also become an outlet.  It reaffirmed this small connection I have with words.  I'm not saying I'm the best writer in the world... I'm not sure I would even classify my writing as good.  But I would call it heartfelt.  Writing has a way of capturing the thoughts deep in my soul that I'm not sure I verbalize well.  It is something I enjoy--when I take the time to do it that is:)

So here we are 4 weeks in to 2015; another 48 to go.  I flipped the calendar to a new month, and February felt like a new start.  Flipping the calendar is something I look forward to each and every month.  Simple pleasure.  I know.  I hope as you flipped your calendar this month, you were refreshed in some way, shape or form.  That you were able to take a small look at where you've been and press forward to something new.  Or, pick-up on something old and be inspired again.