Summary

It’s been a while since I wrote… I’ll do a few different entries to fill you in on the latest happenings of my life. As of midnight last night I returned home from a 12 day adventure away. It was refreshing, energizing and full of many laughs and memorable moments.
I flew out to California to spend Christmas with friends and family. I welcomed the warm(er) weather with open arms and missed the worse snow storm in Iowa since 1968 while enjoying my days on the pacific coast (yes, I am still smiling about that:). From California I flew to Kansas City and attended the onething Conference put on by the International House of Prayer (IHOP). My life was touched and changed by what I heard, saw and experience. It has only increased my hunger and desire for more. I can’t wait to go back for more.
I returned home to find my car and my house buried in snow. I live on the bottom level of an apartment complex and I felt like I was walking into an igloo when I walked in my room. All I could see looking out my window was snow! It was literally piled up over half way on my windows… I had to stand on a chair if I wanted to see outside! I think I might be completely buried by the time spring comes around!!!! Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and I will tell you more stories next year:D

He Is Jealous For Me

Back in college I remember asking God a simple question: Teach how to love you.
As i was driving home from Sioux City Friday night, my engine light kicked on. Trying not to freak out I called up the male forces and was confirmed that yes I would be okay and no by car would not blow up on the freeway. After I got off the phone, tears began to well-up and I didn't know why I was crying! I wasn't scared or upset!!
I started pulling back the layers and discovered these tears were coming from a place deep inside. I discovered a door I didn't know existed inside me. The tip of my iceberg was feeling alone and vulnerable in the middle of nowhere with my car acting up. I dug deeper. I realized the iceberg itself and the tears stemmed out of desperation. I have not been feeling God's love and I am desparate for it. I felt like I was conning myself in feeling His love; convincing myself I felt--but actually didn't.
I had an overwhelming sense of feeling lost and incomplete. I realized I have been trying so hard to love myself and Jesus and as a result I have not been allowing Jesus' love to fill me. I was humbled at my meager ability of trying to out love Jesus. I fail so often yet Jesus continues to meet me in the middle of the messes I get myself in to and gently whispers "beloved you are mine". Lord, teach ME to LET YOU love me!

Sometimes...

I would venture to say I am a pretty independent woman. At the age of 18--less than two weeks after I graduated high school--I packed up my belongings and headed south. Going from small-town-canadian-girl to the bright city lights of america...it was a bit of culture shock to say the least! Eight years later I'm sitting here reflecting; I realize I've actually accomplished things I set out to do and travelled to places I only dreamt of going. I've become the "independent" woman I dreamed to be. I've come a long way from that first venture I set out on. Deep down, past the places I've gone, the choices I've made and where I am now...sometimes I still feel like a vulnerable little girl. I want to feel safe among all the crap that goes on around me. In case I fall down, I want to know that somebody will be there to pick me up. Sometimes a girl just needs a dad to hold her and say "baby girl everything will be alright." Sometimes I'm too proud to admit it. Past my moments of pride and "independence" I know I need and want somebody strong beside me. Thanks for being there dad. And thanks to all the dads who have been around when my own dad was too far away to be there for me.

Hi-Ho-Hi-Ho It's Off To Work I Go

I have about a 20 minute drive to work every morning. This morning it was particularly foggy out. About 10 minutes into my drive the sun started to peek through the fog.

It slowly peeked a little more

And then it popped up over the fog all together. It was beautiful. I am amazed how nature continually takes my breath away.

Up And Coming

I could be all wrong, I could be all right
Either way there's shades of grey we both don't like
Maybe there is hope, maybe I'm naïve
Perhaps it's just the point of view that's hard to see
Yeah I've heard life's gone in a moment So I'm giving it my all

Everyone is tired of all their problems
And no one takes the time to understand
But just as much as I can hold the answers
I can have blame on my hands
Love is just the sum of each decision
Tomorrow is determined by today
I can choose to change the course of history
As I turn each page

Maybe we'll build love, love to cover hate
And maybe it won't cross our minds ‘til it's too late
Cover up our scars, hiding how we feel
Maybe there are wounds inside that need to heal
Yeah I've heard life's gone in a moment
So I'm giving it my all

Everyone is tired of all their problems
But no one takes the time to understand
That just as much as I can hold the answers
I still have blame on my hands
Life is the just sum of each decision
Tomorrow is determined by today
I can choose to change the course of history
As I turn each page

Everybody’s tired of all their problems
We need to take the time to understand
That just as much as we can hold the answers
Still we have blame on our hands
Life is the just sum of each decision
Tomorrow is determined by today
It’s possible to change the course of history
As we turn each page

Love Is Mine To Give

Lately I’ve found myself loving people but only the people I want to love. I WANT to love EVERYONE but find myself caught in a mindset thinking some people are more deserving of my love than others. I’m choosing to let the love in my life be a commodity. Somebody loves me so I love them back—a “deserving” exchange correct? Kinda… but not really. (Don’t you love answers like that).
Since when did we as a society let LOVE become something we could hoard? We take it so freely and disperse it sparingly! Are we scared it’s going to run out? As far I can tell there’s a never ending supply of love being LAVISHED down upon us. If we would only look to the cross (the ultimate display of love I might add) instead of at ourselves, our perspective on love might change for the better.
Jesus doesn’t say “love those who love you back”. On more than one occasion I’ve wished those words were written. Love is not mine to keep. Love was gruesomely nailed to a piece of wood so I could get past the sinner that I am. So I could receive the undeserving gift of grace and love given to all humankind. Who am I to hold onto something so tight, point my little finger and say “you weren’t nice to me today…you don’t deserve ‘my’ love” when I didn’t deserve love to begin with!

Love always hopes.
Love always trusts.
Love always protects.
Love always perseveres.
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices when the truth wins out.
Love keeps no record of wrong. (that’s a toughy isn’t it)
Love is not easily angered. (I find myself fighting this battle everyday)
Love is not self-seeking. (when I start to look at “me” and what “I” deserve that’s when I turn love in the commodity it was never meant to be)
Love is not rude.
Love is not proud.
Love does not boast.
Love does not get jealous.
Love IS kind.
Love IS patient.
Love NEVER fails.

I know I fail. But I continue to look to the cross for strength. It is there, it is when I am on my knees that my cup overflows and I find the strength to love those I tend to withhold love from.

Adolecense

Last week I had the privilege of meeting up with a family from Smithers (my home town in Canada) all the way over here in Iowa. They were dropping their daughters off at the college just down the street from my house. We sat around and chatted for an evening, bringing back memories that almost seem surreal now. As I was leaving a "heaviness" was hanging on my heart. It was the feeling of "being known"... being around people who saw me grow up, who knew my past--something I tried to run away from for a long time. Suddenly I found myself wanting to cling to that once familiar feeling. I've been around the "unfamiliarity" of new territory since I moved out to Iowa that when the familiar hit I realized how deep my desire was to be known again. I felt like I was in an adolescent stage all over again... wanting to go back to what I had but wanting to move forward at the same time. I will encounter the familiar once again... it's just going to take time. Knowing that I can't go back; and knowing in my heart that going back wouldn't look the same even if I did. Life is pulling on my heartstrings and I'm choosing to take each tug one moment at a time. I think that's all I can do. If I can make it from adolecense to my 20's, I can make it moving from one town to another!

Power Connection 2009

I did it! I just finished my first big event!!! This past weekend there were almost a 1000 middle schoolers at NWMSU learning about Jesus’ CRAZY LOVE for us (and baby bunnies—check out www.synodyouth.org). I did everything from registrations to *cough* dancing on stage. It was a blast to say the least. I was in my element using the gifts God has given me. I was able to encourage and be encouraged. I’m continually learning what it means to lay down “my plans and my ideas”. I’m seeing what happens when I let Holy Spirit lead. I’m not going to lie and say transition isn’t hard. I miss my close friends—as spread out as they are. Sometimes the ache is so deep I all I can do is let my heart bleed. In those moments I cling to the promises I know. I am thriving in my job. I really love what I do and would not trade it! I KNOW I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I follow a FAITHFUL God who is doing GREAT works in and through me. "It's not about what you can do, but what God can do with your life when it's fully surrendered to Him" (TWFT). I know HIS grace is sufficient and I know HE will never leave me nor forsake me. I am called here because HE LOVES ME and I will follow because I LOVE HIM.

Tragedy in the Heartland

Yesterday morning my heart broke for the community of Parkersburg. How much tragedy can this little town bare? I was sitting at my desk when I heard the news--a prominent leader in Parkersburg, Ed Thomas, was shot and killed.
I did not know Ed personally but I met many people that did. I heard incredible stories how this man had impacted those around him. After the tornado hit Parkersburg, Ed was on the forefront helping this town pick itself back up again. He was the one saying "this tornado is an opportunity from God for us to help one another." He was a talented football coach who valued family and teamwork over wins and loses. (Four men under his leadership play for the NFL now.) Ed was undoubtedly a man of character striving to teach people what it mean to be a part of the body of Christ.
I know if Ed had been in town when our youth were volunteering he would have been motivating, encouraging and thanking them for what was being done.
Ed, Thank you for being the person this community needed you to be!

Parkersburg

Video created by one of our media guys... click on the link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi1S_7zUYMs

Last week I was in Parkersburg, IA helping lead a service trip. Memorial Day weekend 2008 a massive tornado (aka F5) hit this little Iowa town destroying almost 300 hundred homes. It didn't just "destroy them" it ripped them apart and flew them away. I had the chance to talk to many of the locals and hear what they experienced. Dorthy was one lady in particular I felt drawn toward. She was 85 years old and had blue eyes that sparkled like a 15 year old girls would.
Dorthy's home was torn to pieces in seconds. Not once did I hear her say she was sad about the loss. She continually talked about how peaceful she felt in the midst of the storm (she was sitting on a chair in her hallway because she couldn't walk down to the basement). She watched pieces of her bed flying away yet ONE thing remained in her bedroom: a picture of Jesus she had on the wall above her bed. I heard stories of people finding debris in their locked safes, pictures being found all the way in Wisconsin days later, and a outside table piled high with styrofoam cups & plates that didn't move an inch.
I had the privilage of helping over 200 youth pour their time and energy into a community that was still healing from something that happened a year ago. In return this community showed us how their foundations of faith have not become weaker but stronger in spite of what happened. Every person I talked to said "it should have been worse." Hundreds of people should have died; there were "only" 8 fatalities.
I walked away from Parkersburg wanting to cling to the faith they had found through this storm. I want my faith to continually grow deeper. I want to fall more in love Jesus each day I wake up. I saw the community of Parkersburg changed amidst a tragedy and drawn closer together because of it.

Too Long

Life has been crazy busy since arriving in Iowa. I hit the ground running and am not slowing down till August hits. I thought I'd share a few pictures from the last couple months so you can see what I've been up to and enjoy this journey with me.

Bob (my boss), Sarah (our intern), and I having a lunch picnic down by the water

In front of Sioux Falls when Jer came to visit Memorial Day weekend

At the Tulip Festival with Emma and JJ in Orange City

Midwest Hospitallity

It's almost been a month since the big move. Time seems to be passing quickly as I'm adjusting, learning, and getting to know new position. I feel more than ever that this was the right move at the right time. I can tell without a shadow of a doubt God's hand has been on this situation from day one.

I was a little nervous about coming out, but I've really started to like where I'm at. I even changed my license plates ... I feel like a true Iowatonian now!! A few things I've learned since being in the Midwest are:

• I get GREAT gas milage out here!!! I have a 25 minute commute to work everyday--I can stick my cruise control on 60mph almost the whole way.
• I can buy a dozen eggs for $1 (can't beet that unless I'd raise my own chickens!)
• When it gets really hot out... pigs can explode (disgusting I know)
• There's nothing like corn in Iowa. It grows so fast you can hear it.

All in all I can say I'm learning the true meaning of Midwest Hospitallity. I have felt nothing but kindness since being here.

Dear Friend

Know how much I love you. I see the woman you are and it is BEAUTIFUL. You are a diamond in the rough. A rose among thorns. You stand out in crimson amidst the black hurt, pain and sorrow. You held on so tight and have let go so gracefully. I will be here for you as you heal. Do not think you are in this alone. That is a lie from the pit of hell. I will be here and I know others will be too. I will hold your heart, share you tears, and watch a peace that passes all understanding sooth your soul. You will be whole again. You are STRONG when you are weak. You are beautiful when you cry. This story is not over yet! I LOVE you dear friend.

New Adventures

I made it to Iowa safe and slightly sound! Hannah and I had a lot of fun making the drive out. We bonded like never before, had many laughs, and left or ultimate mark on Interstate 90. Some highlights from the trip included getting in a snowball fight with a van full of Hoover Vacuum Cleaner people on top of the Snoqualmie Pass (as we were waiting for an avalanche to be cleared off the road), staying the night at Micah and Michelle’s in Coeur D’Alene, and being able to visit Mt Rushmore in South Dakota.

Tomorrow I start my new job as Event Coordinator!! And by Friday I’m going to be attending a Middle School Retreat at Lake Okoboji. Talk about hitting the ground running… I’m going at’er with everything I’ve got. I’m excited to work with my new team and to work with leaders and their youth across various states. This is a new chapter for me and I’m looking forward to where it will take me.

Memories

Thank you to everyone who has made my time here in Lynden SO SPECIAL. These pictures only touch on a few of the things I've been able to do this past month. Picture or no picture know that you have not been forgotten!

Good Bye

It's finally here: the week of "lasts". Next Wednesday I will be en route to the Midwest. This past week I've been thinking about the process of letting go. Part of me wishes there was a special 3-step-process to making a goodbye successful. But I've also realized part of the beauty in letting go is enjoying all the different ways it comes about.

I decided to start my chain of goodbyes beginning with one of "my spots". I embraced the drive, took my journal and sat in "my special place". Just me, my pen, and God. I soaked in the beauty and took the time to remember all the times I've sat there. I cherished the moments. Some made me want to cry others made me laugh and smile.

Letting go isn't always easy for me but I know there are great things waiting for me in Iowa. I know I will find new spots I like to go, I will make new friends who will love me and challenge me where I'm at. It will become home. All I can do I move forward and let the craziness begin:) And that is exactly what I am going to do!

Office Supplies

I don't know why or what sparked my love for it, but I love office supplies. Highlighters, cool paper clips, post-its (the super sticky ones of course)... if I walk into an office supply store I want to go crazy and start buying stuff. I may already own it but I will tell myself I need more. The more colors I have the more excited it makes me. I wonder if this is how guys feel when they walk into a hardware store and see tools?

I've also developed a habit of wanting to highlight, underline, star, make comments in the margins--you name it--when I read books. I don't go crazy and have more highlighter on the page than there is black ink. I like to think I take the important stuff (and I make sure I don't do it to books I'm borrowing... no need to freak out peeps:).

With all that being said I ran across a little someth'n-someth'n I noted beside a while back and it re-struck a note. So I decided to share:

"While some of us are headed in the wrong direction, others of us may be going in the right direction but we're not stopping and getting gas for the long haul. Are you living as if it's God's responsibility to make sure you have oil for your lamp? Maybe you're spiritualizing your lack of preparation: 'If God wants it to happen, it will happen,' or 'I'm just waiting on God.' ... When we fall short because we were unprepared for an opportunity, we blow it off and say, 'Well, that must have been the Lord's will.' That's a Christianized way of blaming God for our own problems. There are some opportunities you were intended to have that you may not even see, much less seize, because you didn't prepare yourself for the future opportunity. Sometimes the reward is in the effort."-McManus

Turn Of Events

Exactly one month from today I'm going to pile all of my belongings into my car and start driving the 1704 miles (2742 km) in pursuit of something great that was placed before me. Earlier this month I received a job offer to be an Event Coordinator for a Youth Director in Orange City, IA. I said yes and am taking the plunge into the unknown. I am venturing to the midwest, the heartland, the land of never ending corn:) I am both excited and scared about this move but I know I am making the right move and God is directing my steps.

I made a list of things I want to do before I leave Lynden (let me know if you want to do any of these with me!):

• Visit Lummi Island (I would love to be able to bike around it)
• Dress up and have dinner at Giuseppes
• Order something from the Taco Bus (Bakerview or The Guide)
• Go ALL the way around lake Padden (I've only gone part way!)
• Go Curling in Canada with friends again
• Watch a movie at the Twilight Drive-In
• Eat lots of Tim Hortons, Mr. Bigs, and Goodie Rings

This last month is going to be a blast. I will miss Whatcom County and the people here... this last year has been so much fun entailing so many memories. I plan to make the most of these next 4 weeks. And am excited so see what is waiting for me Iowa!!!

Traveling Adventures

A little over a week ago I jumped on a plane and ventured out to Iowa. I was able to visit my brother and spend some quality time with his family. Some humorous moments along included my nephew asking me if I flew in on a Fighter Plane (Sioux Falls Airport shares its run way with the Air Guard—a small division of the US Air Force). What aunt can say no a pair of excited big blue eyes on a 4 year old in a moment like that! Not to mention I was having visions of Tom Cruise and Top Gun flashing though my mind—I answered YES to his question without a missing a beat.

On my flight home, I had a layover in Minneapolis. I decided to wander around the airport to occupy some time. In my wandering, I discover there are vending machines for electronic devices now! I'm accustom to seeing chips and chocolate bars pop out… now I can go up with my credit card press B9 and out comes an iPod!!! I think I’m being hit with the realization that I am getting “oldER”.

As I boarded the plane that evening, I proceed to make way to my seat. I like window seats. As I was maneuvering over to my seat my butt clears not one but all of the pop-down-trays-against-the-seat. Horrified at the sight of the trays flapped down (and a now red face at this point) I placed the trays in the upright position as fast I could and prayed nobody saw the recent parade of events occurring in row 29 involving my larger-than-life-a**! Apparently my eating habits have not only decided to affect my love handles but have decided to love by backside a little more as well. As I sat waiting for take-off, my brain jumped 25 years ahead and I thought "if I’m feeling like this at 26 what on earth am I going to be feeling like at 50!"

In all honesty, I’m not that worried about what I’ll look like when I’m 50 (only a little:). I am choosing to enjoy life where it’s at and I’m having a great time! I love to laugh, even if it’s at myself. I really do believe laughter is the best medicine. And NO I don't think I'm fat... I just happened to have an "I feel fat" moment.

Random

There is a note circulating Facebook getting people to post 25 random things about themselves. I participated, made a list of my own and posted it. In college I used to get the 100 question surveys (eg. 1)Last book you read 2)What time you where born 3)Have you ever been in love ...) and I’d usually do them in honor of mastering my procrastination skills and putting my homework aside. (I got quite good at it too:)

I’ll admit it—I kind of like doing those little survey’s every once in a while. I think what draws people in is the desire to know and be known. Deep down we want people to like us for who we REALLY are. We want to be accepted despite our faults and insecurities. We want to express a little bit of ourselves without people interrupting. I love reading what others say on their list. It's amazing the things you don't know about somebody. Every person has a story--I love learning what those stories are.

Here are a few random things from my list:

1. I love to travel but don't like being in airplanes.
2. I used to think TUMS were candy when I was little and I'd give them to my friends as treats.
3. Fall is my favourite season--sometimes I feel bad because I'm happy things are dying.
4. I panic when seaweed touches me in the water.
5. I dream of staying in a castle by the sea (any large body of water really) one day.

Did Adam Have A Bellybutton?

This question has been debated over for centuries and it’s a question nobody’s really going to know the answer to—ever (unless Adam decides to let us in on his little secret in heavenJ).

Lately I’ve been asking myself some deep questions. Questions about pride and love, wealth and poverty, where Jesus would hang if He came to America today? Questions concerning the church and how divided it has become—or over issues (I think) rank right up there with whether or not Adam has a bellybutton. I read a statement by a pastor the other day. He said Jesus isn’t coming for a harem He’s coming for a bride. I thought that was interesting. I think there is beauty in difference in style in traditional and non-traditional. But when are we ever going to get to the place of truly loving one another despite our differences.

I don’t claim to be perfect at this; I fail at loving people all the time. My own selfishness gets in the way of the bigger issue at hand. Loving God. Loving people. It’s not an easy fix… it maybe a simple fix… but it’s not an easy fix.

When Jesus was preaching in the temple (ticking the Sadducees and the Pharisees off to no end) a dude who knew the law inside-out-and-backwards tried tripping Jesus up by asking Him which commandment in the Law pulled rank on all the others (they thought they’d have ground for arresting Jesus on this one!).

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments… and from that day on no one dared to ask him any more questions.”

What would our world, our communities, our personal lives look like if we actually did this?

Change

I feel like there is going to be a lot of change in 2009. Some big things, some small things, personal things and things worldwide. America changed yesterday. We made history upon inaugurating our first Black President. What a jump from 50 years ago!

Change can be daunting. I know I like change when “I” want something or “I” think something needs to be differnt. Yet, how do I feel when I’m on the other end… when somebody else thinks change needs to happen and I like things the way they are. Deep down I know change is good. It keeps me on my toes. It helps me be alert and extremely aware of my surroundings. Change prevents me from getting stuck in a rut (that I may or may not want to get out of).

We're only 3 weeks into 2009 and I find myself in the midst of change. Syrus wrote “A rolling stone can gather no moss.” Despite the excitement, conflict, insecurities, and anticipation I feel for this year I know I becoming the person I am supposed to be. I am striving not to become stagnant. If I keep moving, keep growing, keep searching, I will find hidden treasures in the rough. My heart desires so much more than this world can offer but "this world" is where I am right now. This is where I will choose to persue what is put before me.

Time Well Spent

These past couple weeks have been busy to say the least! I've had the privilege of spending quality time with family and friends whom I don't get to see as often as I wish I could. It's been a great end to an old year and a fabulous start to the new year.

Christmas Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's

Boxing Day in Vancouver

Happy New Year!!

Larrabee State Park